What are some of your biggest pet peeves?
This might be long, and I may add more in the future. My pet peeves are thoughtless things people say, sometimes unintentionally.
I had a lively discussion one night with my daughter’s fiancé, Arthur. We were talking about so many phrases/clichés that are meaningless. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all; your actions speak for themselves. Let’s carry on the conversation and examine a few.
“God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.”
That makes no sense. There are events that many people can’t handle, resulting in addiction, suicide, withdrawal or depression. If you’re a believer and God hands you a life without conflict, Godspeed. The phrase is misinterpreted. The origins are 1 Corinthians 10:13. Paul talks about temptation, saying that God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear and will provide a “way out.” But that verse is specifically about sin/temptation, not about every kind of suffering, trauma, grief, or mental breakdown a person might go through. In real life, people often do encounter more than they can bear: abuse, losing a child, dysfunctional upbringing, severe mental illness, war, etc. Some people end up hospitalized or, seeing no way out, suicide. Telling someone in that state “God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle” can feel like implying a spiritual failure instead of acknowledging that the situation is actually unbearable.” r/Christianity
Moving on…
“Prayers can move mountains”
Sure, if the outcome is what you prayed for. If not, then “it was God’s will”. We all experience highs and lows in life, but many lay it all at God’s feet, believing God controls all. My belief is we alone control life decisions and take personal responsibility. We may ask for guidance, but it’s always our choice. Or don’t we have Free Will? whoo boy…discuss.
“At least you have memories”
Thanks, but that is not comforting to me. At all. Memories suck and only breed regret, sadness or despair. Memories are dreadful. I relive them all the time, feeling only regret or sadness, having no hope I’ll ever make memories again.
“Call me if you need anything”
Such a generic gesture. Yeah, I need lots of stuff, not just another casserole. Instead, offer something tangible, like a ride to the grocery store, cleaning and tidying up, running errands, raking leaves, doing laundry, a dinner invitation…
If you’re a caregiver, it’s not likely anyone will step in to take on the brutal work even temporarily to give you a break. They’ll just as likely trash you if you consider other care options (i.e. nursing home care). NOT my experience, but it happens.
“They’re in a better place” or “they’re no longer in pain”
Oh really? To me, a “better place” is alive here on earth and not being dead.
“Sorry for your loss”
Really? Why? An overused cliché is just words. Better to say a simple “I’m sorry”, or sometimes a simple hug is enough.
“A fool and his money are soon parted”
Nope. There’s a lot of rich fools, not naming names.
“If you’re not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary” Jim Rohn
Wise. Midlife, I risked the unusual and stepped out of the ordinary. It made life extraordinary for awhile.
“You can do anything…you set your mind on”
Well, this one has bothered me forever. NO, you can’t. Physical, intellectual, emotional, or monetary limitations play a role in succeeding. Or sometimes, it’s just dumb luck.
Realistically:
“You can do anything, but not everything. You don’t have to save the world, just yourself.”
― Brittany Burgunder, Safety in Numbers
“Time heals all wounds” or “This too shall pass”
Time doesn’t heal, just helps us cope. We eventually learn to live with loss, abuse or neglect, but it never passes.
“That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” Nietzsche
As Sylvester Stallone said during an interview, No, that which does not kill you leaves you pretty f—-ing beaten up, and you’re never quite the same. It made me more defiant, and, yeah, I might have learned something, but I left a piece of myself there—as we leave pieces of ourselves throughout our life when we have these different traumas—rough childhoods, death, divorce.
Not all trauma leads to growth.
“Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life”
duh
“It is what it is”
Resignation, dismissal
“Everything happens for a reason”
if you believe in cosmic intervention, but don’t ever say this to a person grieving. It’s thoughtless and the last thing they want to hear.
But it’s not all gloom and doom. Here are some worthy quotes.
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
(Unknown)
“I can’t brain today. I have the dumb.”
(Unknown)
More will be added over time…
