Comforting Uplifting Words?

 

What are some of your biggest pet peeves?

This might be long, and I may add more in the future. My pet peeves are thoughtless things people say, sometimes unintentionally.

I had a lively discussion one night with my daughter’s fiancé, Arthur. We were talking about so many phrases/clichés that are meaningless. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all; your actions speak for themselves. Let’s carry on the conversation and examine a few.

“God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.”

That makes no sense. There are events that many people can’t handle, resulting in addiction, suicide, withdrawal or depression. If you’re a believer and God hands you a life without conflict, Godspeed. The phrase is misinterpreted. The origins are 1 Corinthians 10:13. Paul talks about temptation, saying that God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear and will provide a “way out.” But that verse is specifically about sin/temptation, not about every kind of suffering, trauma, grief, or mental breakdown a person might go through. In real life, people often do encounter more than they can bear: abuse, losing a child, dysfunctional upbringing, severe mental illness, war, etc. Some people end up hospitalized or, seeing no way out, suicide. Telling someone in that state “God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle” can feel like implying a spiritual failure instead of acknowledging that the situation is actually unbearable.” r/Christianity

Moving on…

“Prayers can move mountains”

Sure, if the outcome is what you prayed for. If not, then “it was God’s will”. We all experience highs and lows in life, but many lay it all at God’s feet, believing God controls all. My belief is we alone control life decisions and take personal responsibility. We may ask for guidance, but it’s always our choice. Or don’t we have Free Will? whoo boy…discuss.

“At least you have memories”

Thanks, but that is not comforting to me. At all. Memories suck and only breed regret, sadness or despair. Memories are dreadful. I relive them all the time, feeling only regret or sadness, having no hope I’ll ever make memories again.

“Call me if you need anything”

Such a generic gesture. Yeah, I need lots of stuff, not just another casserole. Instead, offer something tangible, like a ride to the grocery store, cleaning and tidying up, running errands, raking leaves, doing laundry, a dinner invitation…

If you’re a caregiver, it’s not likely anyone will step in to take on the brutal work even temporarily to give you a break. They’ll just as likely trash you if you consider other care options (i.e. nursing home care). NOT my experience, but it happens.

“They’re in a better place” or “they’re no longer in pain”

Oh really? To me, a “better place” is alive here on earth and not being dead.

“Sorry for your loss”

Really? Why? An overused cliché is just words. Better to say a simple “I’m sorry”, or sometimes a simple hug is enough.

“A fool and his money are soon parted”

Nope. There’s a lot of rich fools, not naming names.

“If you’re not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary” Jim Rohn

Wise. Midlife, I risked the unusual and stepped out of the ordinary. It made life extraordinary for awhile.

“You can do anything…you set your mind on”

Well, this one has bothered me forever. NO, you can’t. Physical, intellectual, emotional, or monetary limitations play a role in succeeding. Or sometimes, it’s just dumb luck.

Realistically:

“You can do anything, but not everything. You don’t have to save the world, just yourself.”

― Brittany Burgunder, Safety in Numbers

“Time heals all wounds” or “This too shall pass”

Time doesn’t heal, just helps us cope. We eventually learn to live with loss, abuse or neglect, but it never passes.

“That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” Nietzsche

As Sylvester Stallone said during an interview, No, that which does not kill you leaves you pretty f—-ing beaten up, and you’re never quite the same. It made me more defiant, and, yeah, I might have learned something, but I left a piece of myself there—as we leave pieces of ourselves throughout our life when we have these different traumas—rough childhoods, death, divorce.

Not all trauma leads to growth.

“Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life”

duh

“It is what it is”

Resignation, dismissal

“Everything happens for a reason”

if you believe in cosmic intervention, but don’t ever say this to a person grieving. It’s thoughtless and the last thing they want to hear.

But it’s not all gloom and doom. Here are some worthy quotes.

“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”

(Unknown)

“I can’t brain today. I have the dumb.”

(Unknown)

More will be added over time…

Tamale Makin' Day

The last time I made tamales was in 2019. Those were jalapeno and cream cheese, my favorite. Today I assembled traditional pork tamales with red chili sauce.

If you've been following along, you may remember I spent a few years in Texas. I'm not a huge fan of TexMex, but I developed a liking for Chili Rellenos, Huevos Rancheros, and... TAMALES!

Chili Rellenos
Deep fried stuffed peppers

Huevos rancheros
goopy eggs slathered with salsa roja

Tamales are expensive, so I taught myself to make them from scratch. It's time-consuming, but what a pleasure to take a few out and heat them up for lunch.

So I started with a boneless pork shoulder roast, cut it up in chunks and cooked on low in a slow cooker with water and an onion til it was fall-apart tender (a few hours at least).

After it cooled, I shredded it and added  jar of garlic chili paste I found in the pantry, but be creative and make red chili sauce, or spice it up any way you like. End of day one.  Save the broth! 

Second day I made the masa. It's best to use lard, which I was going to purchase, but remembered I keep some with my soap-making supplies. (hmm time to make  more soon!) Whip  about 2 cups of the lard til fluffy (a long time).

 

Mix 4 C  masa, a tsp of baking powder and Tbsp of salt and add it to the lard, alternating with a cup or so of the saved pork broth and mix to the consistency of peanut butter. You can season it to your liking, such as garlic, herbs, paprika, etc.

Add masa and broth alternately

Looks like peanut butter

 

If a drop of dough floats in water, it's ready. 

Soak the corn husks in hot water til soft.

Now it's ready to assemble.

Dry off a corn husk with a towel. Spread masa evenly onto corn husk. I can't find my masa spreader so I used a spoon. Spread filling over masa and bring the sides together with masa meeting. 

 

Roll and tie. 

Stand them up in a tall pot over a steamer basket, first putting a penny under the steamer basket. If it rattles, add more water. 

Add water til it comes to the bottom of the basket. Cover, boil, then turn low to steam for a couple hours. If the husk releases from the masa after it has cooled, it's done. 

Yummy

Late night snack

Thoreau (edited)

Late at night, I write. This is an entry to Storyworth, a collection of my life stories to eventually be bound.

Who inspires you?

Many people will name their parents or a relative who inspired them, perhaps a teacher, other adult or religious leader who made an impact, who of course are an important influence while growing up. I could name many, but once I reached adulthood my ideology matured.

The first name to pop into my head is Henry David Thoreau, best known for his book Walden, a reflection upon simple living in natural surroundings,

and his essay “Civil Disobedience”, (originally published as “Resistance to Civil Government”), an argument in favor of citizen disobedience against an unjust state (an essay for another time).

I first learned about Thoreau in High School English class, reading his book Walden. It sounded like a perfect place to live. As a child, I imagined becoming a naturalist, studying the natural world through observation and study of relationships between living things and their environment. I didn’t know it at the time, but that was a precursor of today’s study of climate change and its effect on living plants and animals. While growing up in Port Clinton OH, when I was too young to go out exploring on my own, I would sometimes hang out in the narrow space between 2 garages, protected from the rain and dream about my future being immersed in and studying nature.

Throughout my life I’ve always been drawn to the outdoors and once upon a time dreamed of living off-grid, not depending on anyone and leaving no footprint. It never happened, but I still embrace the concept. The closest I ever lived off-grid was in a 2nd floor apartment on Pattison St in Evans City PA,  surviving with no phone at the time (a challenge for sure). Years later, I lived in a motorhome for 5 years, not specifically off-grid due to technology, but we tried to leave no footprint wherever we went.

I’ve always tried to be self sufficient, canning provisions for winter, sewing, making soap and laundry detergent, preparing food from scratch so I know exactly what ingredients go into a recipe. I’m not always successful, but I try to be conscientious when I shop.

So it all goes back to Thoreau. To anyone who lives the uncomplicated life, leaving minimal footprint, kudos to you.

Someday I'll visit: 

I'm a New Person, Mostly

I'm about 7 weeks out from my spine surgery, but I'm already a new person. I'm in no pain and graduated from Home Health care and PT with rave reviews. I'm going to the MAG (medically adaptive gym) to strengthen my legs after years of neglect until I start PT in January. I've tossed the walker and only use my cane  (which is pretty nifty with a light and alarm) or trekking poles.  

I feel listless and unmotivated most days, thinking the weather has a lot to do with my mood. Cloudy days drag me down so I'm trying to plan my days and not spend useless time sleeping, watching YouTube videos or playing games for hours. Today I spent the afternoon prepping a health Mediterranean dish that was a total failure.

While I was in the hospital, my car sat for a month and wouldn't start. It  had to be broken into (unlocked) and jumped. It died again a week later so after it was jumped, I drove it straight to the dealer. Pricey fix but it's 10 years old and I'm determined to keep it alive. In the past, when a repair was too pricey, I just bought another car. I was tempted to buy a new Mustang, having owned 3, but $36000 is rich even on the low end. So far I'm resisting BUT if it can tow a Teardrop, I might be interested. I doubt it though.

Today was a beautiful fall day, and I got everyone up to go to Sickman's Mill for Bingo and Brunch. While we didn't play, we had a wonderful afternoon soaking up the fall air. We haven't had a hard frost, so the trees aren't as brilliant as in previous years, but the air was delicious nonetheless. 

Magic

I would have embraced this life decades ago...

Revolving Door, Ups and Downs

Time to update, dear readers. It's been 2 weeks since I was released from the hospital and 4 weeks post op for spinal laminectomy and fusion. My last entry chronicled my time in the hospital and rehab and since then, there's been a revolving door of caregivers visiting me. Occupational Therapist and Visiting Nurses have given me a clean bill of health, and this is likely the last week for Physical Therapy home visits. I'll start back to the MAG (Medically Adaptive Gym) and start therapy for my back in a month or so.

Physically I'm doing fantastic with negligible pain. But mentally, I've scraped the bottom in recent days.  Often I feel hopeless and just want to sleep, play games, or watch useless YouTube videos until bedtime to pass the time. There was  time I felt there wasn't enough hours in the day, but now, I've got no interest in reading, TV or any projects. Although I'll be better, it's tough right now.

Sometimes I dread the future... Jane Goodall, well done, I'll carry on. 

 

I can't wait to walk down to the  Little Conestoga Creek in my back yard soon, or walk the cat, who's dying to go outside.

YAY me!

The Last, and A New Beginning

I've had my share of procedures, and I've never had any foreboding, even when I had emergency brain surgery. I cracked a joke while they wheeled me away, knowing full well I would emerge whole on the other side. I always wake up to the hustle and bustle of the recovery room, and then someone noticees my eyes are open. They reassure me and make sure I'm comfy. Once I woke up panicky with a breathing tube because I hadn't been warned ahead of time, but it was ok.

This week, I look forward to being pain-free at last and not depend on anyone (or the fire dept) to pick me up when my leg refuses to work. Before, I fell often ("I've fallen and can't get up" literally) because of a brain tumor. Now I fall from just plain ole arthritis. With Spinal Stenosis, my spinal cord is crushed by vertebrae so spinal laminectomy and fusion surgery will solve all and I'll be out and about long before Christmas. Snow hiking? You betcha! I've tried PT and epidurals, no dice, so am I excited? Yes!!

Instead of making numerous entries, I'll update my progress in this post if I can. Tomorrow is my last day of freedom for a few weeks. I'll be hospitalized for a few days, then I'll go to rehab until I can care for myself. I'll be alone most of the time when I return home.

Happy happy days ahead!

Update 9/8: check in 5:30 am tomorrow morning. Night night. zzzzzz

Mvanslette@gmail.com 

Update 9/9: I survived! Had a painful afternoon without any pain meds til my blood pressure was stabilized. I made a lot of sad noises and and cried a lot. Tonight my daughter Carla, drove down from NY to have a girl's SLUMBER party in ICU! I also stood up just to see what it felt like, and my leg is working and pain free. I was fitted with the back brace to keep everything in place while I heal. Yay me, what a day.

Update 9/11:

I'm  still in the ICU until my blood pressure has stabilized. It has been consistently low and last night it dropped to 60/30. I was sound asleep and woke up to a roomful of people, including a trauma doctor, and  they hooked me up to a drip to raise my blood pressure, and probably other stuff.

I wasn't worried because I was in the right place at the right time but after everyone left, I began hallucinating. One of the machines was reading a story to me.  The room turned into a research lab and looked nothing like a hospital room. I thought I was in an  abandoned building and almost called out if anyone was out there. 

After an hour, folks came back and I gradually returned as well. At first I asked where I was, then told the staff everything that was happening. I knew the visions weren't real, but had no control over them.  

I finally went back to sleep soundly... until beakfast came, ate a little bit and drifted off into again into a deep sleep.

A therapist came in later and I did some walking, sitting and standing. She showed me how to put on shorts with some help.

The staff here is incredibly attentive, and I'm looking for great days ahead 

See you real soon.

9/12 update: I'm still in ICU because my blood pressure won't cooperate. They weaned me off the medication today, but my BP dropped again so I was put back on it. 

Much of my pain was alleviated after they took the incision drain out. It was stabbing me mercilessly every time I moved. Now I feel like I'll be able to do anything soon! I felt great today, after I got  "bath" and hair washed. Progress!

Mvanslette@gmail.com !

Great company huh...

Tonight I'm the only patient for my nurse for now. Maybe we'll share some scary stories until I fall asleep.

Update: Sept 13 .

Well i was finally transferred out of ICU this evening and can hardly describe the change in vibe in my new floor. The hallway is dark and a few employees gave me a forced hello as I was wheeled in. First off, 2 nurses did a skin check (like a cavity search but not quite). The male nurse clearly hates his job and the female nurse reminded me of Nurse Ratchet. Nice welcome. I was then left alone to observe my new surroundings, a tiny room, baby puke walls, a sink, like an asylum should look, without the padded walls. 

I was left alone awhile, door shut (which I hate) so I read my book. 

Then someone came in to complete some questions, did a few strength tests on my hands and feet (twice because she forgot she already did it). I had to be boosted, but didn't have the slippery slidy mat under me, so I agonizingly rolled on each side so they could lay it down. Boosted and back brace adjusted, I'm finally ready for bed.

Prison sink. I'm surprised there's no metal toilet next to it. Maybe I'm just dead tired. Night night.

Hope I'm released tomorrow. 

Update: Sept 17

So sorry I haven't updated lately, my Blogger friends. I'll do a quick update before hit the sack for another busy fun-filled day.

I was moved a few days ago to Lancaster Rehab Hosp www.lancasterrehabhospital.com.

They keep me busy with a daily regimen of Physical and Occupational therapy, and since I'm doing so well, my target release date is Monday. 

My primary therapist is Ryan, who is set to graduate this spring. I asked him where he was going to school and he said it's a small college in western PA that I probably never heard of. Well, guess what? I've not only heard of it, but I graduated from that small college: Slippery Rock and I initially went there to study Physical Therapy! He about had a stroke. Then he told me he is in the PhD program and then I about had a stroke! He's very good and he'll make a great therapist.

The dressing was removed today and the incision has healed nicely. I will still need to wear the back brace for a few months. I am thrilled that finally my left leg is pain free and works normally with no numbness or tingling. I stood the entire time my dressing was removed and didn't have to sit down.

I went into this with a childlike giddiness, positive that the outcome would allow me to resume a fairly normal existence once again. It was a long time coming, but I think I've finally been fixed. I look forward to the busy holidays, perhaps an open House for my hallway neighbors, baking bread again (I might try making sourdough again), working on other projects during the long winter months and bumping up my resale and Etsy businesses. I'll be traveling, photographing and documenting my days ahead as I become more confident exploring solo. Not the best, but I'll find some measure of enjoyment. 

I probably won't update as often now, but will occasionally brag about my new life and share random thoughts or cooking escapades. I am so filled with gratitude for all the love and encouragement I've received from family and friends, and I hope you, dear reader, will keep checking in and perhaps share an adventure or 2 in the days ahead. 

Til next time...

Update September 20

Today was Skip day, so I had no therapy or ADL sessions scheduled. It was pretty boring and mealtime was the most exciting part of the day. I don't watch much TV so I worked on my puzzle book, read most of my favorite magazine, Mary Jane's Farm, from cover to cover and watched a few videos on YouTube about life in Appalachia. I've been making Lucky Stars, origami paper Stars, to pass the time. They are a metaphor for good fortune and in ancient times, stars were believed to influence destiny and evolved to mean "born under a lucky star", or advantage. I'll find some containers to fill and leave at various nurses' stations as a thank-you for the incredible care they've provided during my stay.

Tomorrow is "graduation day", with friends and family invited to observe my ability to care for myself independently. "Family" will be my daughter Nina, and I'll be released Monday. 

It's been a whirlwind week of activity.

I'm not allowed to walk anywhere without someone with me, even to the bathroom. The bed and recliner have alarms that screetch every time I move, so I'm pretty restricted. This morning I had to use the bathroom and when no one came, I intentionally set off the bed alarm. It worked. 

Since no activities were scheduled, I got someone to walk with me to the lounge at the end of the hall. The sun was shining and the change of scenery was a mood-booster. 

I've only been here a week, but it seems like a lifetime. 

Time to sleep, dear readers. I'll chat with you soon...

Last update 9/22

I'm home at last. I said goodbye to so many good people and some stopped by to wish me well. Tomorrow Visiting Nurses will stop by, and I have my first post-op appt with my surgeon, Dr Omeis. I felt your good juju wash over me these past few weeks. Thank you. 

Now I'm tired, time to heal...

Post-Summer Fun

 I was talked into spending the week after Labor Day at the shore, New Jersey to be exact. They told me it was perfect. First floor, beachside, Ok, I'm all in. 

I was supposed to leave before noon but fate had other plans. Clean the cat box, check mail, feed cats, reply to email, pack electronics stuff, make car presentable, empty trash, pack more stuff, toothbrush, drop off urine sample ('splain later).

I made it in time for dinner.

The next 2 days were spent.... 

in a trance on the beach; breezy, sandy, sunny, perfect. Reading, gazing, smiling...

Last hurrah. Tuesday will be the last time I venture out for a few weeks...

More, soon.