I recently began writing more often, sometimes because I'm bored, but also because it's therapeutic. I've been recovering from some procedure or other for the past few years and have lost interest or ability in most activities I used to enjoy. I continue write 'til the wee hours, totally relaxed, listening to music of all sorts, lost in thought. Sometimes I share on Facebook in the moment, but next morning, 1st thing... "Ok, now what did you post last night?" Delete.
I play games or watch YouTube videos and only do what's absolutely necessary. I don't watch much TV, but when I do, it's a travel or culinary channel. I manage to keep most appointments but often reschedule. I look forward to empty days, but once I'm out, I'm fine. It's like prying me out of a packed sardine can.
The Dreams. Recently, I get flashbacks during the day of dreams which I usually forget within hours. I see them often, repeatedly and weeks later. Often it's visual, just a flash of a moment or location, or an emotion, but I remember them, and they keep coming back. I have quite a collection now. odd
I also had another Visitation Dream, the 2nd in the past year. This wasn't as vivid, but there was a presence. I don't believe it, but perhaps there's something on the other side. hope. AI: "Unlike regular dreams that feel foggy or fragmented, visitation dreams possess remarkable clarity and coherence. The experience unfolds with a crystal-clear quality, each moment vivid, purposeful and feels tangible, as though you were truly present. There's often a clear storyline, unlike the scattered nature of typical dreams. This clarity reflects the sacred nature of these encounters and their vividness of these dreams makes them easy to recall in detail, even years later".
Although I hold onto these dreams, memories in general are totally useless. "take comfort in your memories". No, never. Longing overpowers all. I have vivid memories of past loves, lives, travels, kids but take no comfort in them and tear up when I'm alone or driving. I make vague attempts to be useful, but general chores, even watering my plants (actually 1 plant) is a chore.
I always fancied myself a country woman. All my life, no matter where I lived, small town, country, on the road or big city, I valued a life of self-sufficiency, not buying into the life of fast food, prepared meals, pre-made everything, processed edibles. Oh I've broken that rule more times than I'd like to admit, but keep trying.
I love baking bread...
hanging out laundry
making soap
gardening fail...rocks
canning the fall harvest
living off-grid
I have so many places I want to explore, making the most of the unknown time I have left, but I'm too timid to leave the house alone unless I have to. I find it impossible to visit a shop I've never been to or eat alone at a restaurant, even a diner, so drive-thru is the only option for now. I bought new hiking boots and trekking poles. The Little Conestoga Creek in literally in my back yard, but I've never walked back there, even after almost 4 years! Last fall, full of hope, I bought new clothes, shoes, a renewing, but they're mostly in my closet, unworn. I have never been alone and hate it. I'm such a chatterbox, love to share when out and about. Otherwise, why bother?
I manage to go to PT or MAG (Medically Adaptive Gym) a couple times a week, unless I oversleep or find some other excuse not to go, but I keep medical appointments most of the time. Although I've fixed my joints and back, I'm now dealing with anemia, low iron, vitamin D and B12, so there's that. With treatment of iron infusions and vitamins, I'll break away from this lethargy and be good to go soon. Physically, I'm all fixed.
My sewing days are over, so I'm selling my vintage Singer Slant Needle sewing machine and cabinet. It has a gaggle of attachments including button-holer, pleater, ruffler and more. It belonged to my Aunt Ann, who was an excellent tailor, making most of her own dresses and coats that looked like fine designer clothes. I'll keep a smaller portable Brother quilting machine.
Random: I counted 22 friends on Facebook who are no longer with us. Is this sounding dreadful? It is...
In a few months, I'll be navigating to California to support Carla and her fiancé in marriage June 13, 2026 in Visalia CA. In other words, I'm walking her down the aisle but not "giving" her away. During that time, I'll be out of my comfort zone, but I've never been to the west coast or seen the Pacific, so I'll manage.
Why California? When we first moved to NYC Gateway Towers, Manhattan NY, we met Wade and Laura, and Carla was hired to nanny their 2 small children when she was 15. They have been lifelong friends ever since. They sublet their Manhattan apartment, bought a house in Visalia CA and offered to host wedding festivities. After looking at venues nearby, she decided to take them up on their offer. I'm nervous as a whore in church to leave my comfort zone, but excited to send her off in into a magical future. That's all folks, til we meet again.
